So the question becomes, how does one go about discovering themselves? Now I have a couple of friends who may wish to say something here a little naughty, but that is not what I am referring to. I mean discovering the fundamental truth of who you are and what is your purpose. Certainly living your truth is one way of doing that. But do we all really know what our truth is? There are some days when I am solid and think really clearly, and then there are other days when I just don’t know what it is that I believe in. Those days especially, are the days when I have had a blow to my confidence or something I believed in turns out to be a lie.
I think those are the worst. Deception, dishonesty, duplicity. These are my new 3-D’s. Nothing is worse than truly believing in something only to find out it was a lie or only partially true. That makes us question ourselves and our sanity. Is it a perception thing on our part or is it that through being gullible, we believed individuals to be true to what they present to us? It makes me realize that as much as I would like to judge a book by its cover, I cannot. It also makes me realize, now in retrospect, how accurate and solid are my gut and intuition. Why do we not listen to them with such persistence as we listen to the committee of idiots in our heads. I mean, because really, we hired, fired and otherwise nurture the committee of idiots but the gut and intuition are outside of our manipulations. They function through those elements we have a hard time explaining.
But perhaps I digress. You see, I have not had a lot of success in the relationship field. Since I am the common denominator, I can only assume that it is largely my fault and the fact that my picking finger (for a mate) is broken. I have yet to find a place that can fix that. Once again, I think I have to fire the committee and try a whole new breed of individuals. But like a weeble that wobbles but never falls down, unlike some individuals who become so cynical and bitter and vow never to love again, I just pick myself up, brush myself off and eagerly believe that once again I will find the right person. And I still feel that way.
I hold tight to the mantra – better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Congratulations on the sale of your “giant sculpture” Sara, and best wishes for this new stage you are entering into. I am sure the future has good things in store for you and I look forward to reading about your travels, and following your journey. xo Annette
Thanks Annette. Your door still is part of its construction and greatly appreciated. Life has been full of ups and downs but I am certainly in an upswing. xo Sara