For The Sake of a Post

Sometimes in a discussion you can feel like you are talking to a wall ...

Up in Bridlington, having lovely animated discussions about life, the universe and everything with my cousin and her husband.  Now that I am a practitioner in the Striving Styles Personality System, it is really interesting to observe people and figure them out and their style of communication.

Sometimes it is hard to see the holes in the argument because of the style the other person employs which can put you off centre.

You see Pam, my cousin, has the predominant style of the Leader, Steve, although not officially assessed, I am pretty comfortable in stating that he is an Intellectual.  So in listening and watching the two of them, one with the predominant need to be in control, and the other with the predominant need to be knowledgeable, it is not surprising watching the discussion unfold.

If a discussion/debate is being conducted between two people from positions of self-actualizing behaviours, you should not feel like you are being pinned against a wall

That’s the beauty of SSPS, you can sit back and really see they dynamic that is unfolding as two different personality types engage in communication.  Once you know their type and therefore know what need of theirs they are fighting to have met, you can understand the behaviours that they choose to employ.  Of course, I have the advantage of being an objective bystander.  But the beauty of SSPS is that it is bang on.

In healthy communication, you should be able to reflect on the discussion from a calm place ...

And of course, myself as a Performer, will often engage in communication behaviour that is a perfect fit for my personality type.  Now it will depend whether I am coming from my survival self-protective system based on fear or whether I am using my striving self-actualizing system coming from a place of confidence and feelings of caring, as to how effective or proactive the communication proves to be.  It can make for a very different discussion.

Although employing self-actualizing behaviour can feel like it takes great effort ...

I’m sure all the people in my life will want to start punching me in the face when I say, “oh, well that is behaviour of your personality type,” but really it is so useful and insightful.  To understand how every individual’s brain is organized, something they are born with, and how they have developed to use their brain, is quite amazing.  It is after all an organ.

Both of you should be able to smile and feel closer ...

We don’t question when our heart, lungs or other organs in our body are defined as to their state of use or misuse, so why should we question the organ, the brain as if it does not have physiological characteristics like other organ,s that can be manipulated through choice.  Ah, but perhaps I digress.

Because at the end of the discussion, you should still be able to say and feel ..